recovered entry two

Just a few days ago, i made an entry about why i LOVE him like i do.. nobody saw it coming that a few days later, we'd be over... now, i'm making this entry about how i STILL love him...

The past few days had been hellish for me. I kept on crying or just staring into space. I was totally out of my element, and i hated every single moment of it. I hated the fact that we failed. That somehow, we gave up. WHY??? i'm so confused.. but at the same time, i felt relieved.. I am now free of the constant updates, the endless text messages and the never-ending sermons when i do something wrong..

oh, but how i miss him!!

Last night, he called me up.. told me how much he misses me, etc.. and before we hung-up, he told me that he and this new girl are "getting there"... wow.. did i miss something? i don't even care anymore..

I must be a crazy, crazy girl.. i was so blinded with the love that i felt for him that i refused to see the obvious. I wasn't the only girl who was keeping him occupied. While his heart was technically with me, it was essentially with somebody else. Talk about being fast-paced...

Now, why do i STILL love him? Actually, this part I don't really understand yet..

And it's killing me..

i miss him.. i see him almost everywhere.. i keep on hearing his voice... i know, i know.. this is definitely normal after an unexpected break-up.. but.. i just want to get it over with.. i don't want to wallow in my stupid and bitter misery when i know a few months from now i'd be looking back at today and realize how stupid i was..

argh...

i really, really miss him!!!

la na ko babykoy.. :(

i miss my koplogs..

call me selfish, but i don't want any other girl holding his hands, kissing him, making room in his heart.. :( i am selfish when it comes to oj.. i used to call him MINE. he used to call me HIS. and now, somebody's GETTING THERE.. to calling him "mine" for her own sake... am i ready for that? no, not yet.. soon, it'd be me loving and giving my heart to somebody else.. the worst part though, is that OJ wouldn't mind.. he will never go through the same hurtful phase that i'm going through right now..

i love him.. i love him JUST BECAUSE..

and i miss him..

but then again.. do i want him back? (just like what our good friend asked me earlier..) and God, i'm just not so sure anymore.. see, i'm really weirding myself and everybody else, for that matter..

-sigh-

i miss and love him..

recovered entry one

what's the best part of having an OJ in your life?

well, i have lots of answers for that..

YOU'LL HAVE SOMEBODY WHO'LL:

*wipe your tears and sweat off your face.
*hold your hand when you're asleep in his car in the middle of the day and traffic.
*give you stuffs outta nowhere.
*sing you stupid and cheesy songs but make you appreciate it somehow..
*hug you after a long and tiring day..
*drive you to and from school.. hihi.
*make you a very awesome refrigerator cake. yum!
*make you laugh even when you don't want to smile..
*make things better just by holding your hand and saying he loves you..
*play one-on-one basketball with you and actually let you win! haha
*never grow tired of explaining a basketball game.. hehe..
*appreciate all the things you do, no matter how small and CORNY they might be..
*make you feel as if you're the luckiest girl alive, EVERY SINGLE DAY..
*hold your face and just look into your eyes.. and that melts your heart..
*flirt around a lot.. WITH YOU! so you don't have to go worrying who he's flirting with. hehe. jk
*sing karaoke with you, Ü
*give you jerseys!! Ü
*run with you under the rain.. aww.. cheesy.. but i love it every time. Ü
*spend hours waiting for you to choose what movie to watch.
*watch chick flicks with you and say: "awww" when it's necessary.. haha..
*pray with you,, pray FOR you,.. for the two of you..
*love your family just like you do.
*stay with you even after you tell him to leave..
*be an angel...
*look for you after a ball game.. Ü
*kiss you in the forehead in front of everybody..
*respect and love you for who and what you are, flaws and all..
*make you believe in fairy tales..
*make you believe in true love..
*make you want to grow old with him...
Ü

oh, and somebody who'll make you as cheesy as i am right now! haha..

i love you, dzay! Ü

For the Love of LOVE..

>This is en entry that I forgot to publish.. hehe.. wrote it last feb. 16 pa, hence, the title.. Ü<

It's frustrating how love can really get to our heads. I mean, no matter how strong a person could seem to be, once love hits that person, it really hits him. Hard. Straight up in the face. And sometimes, the stronger ones are the ones who get caught by surprise.

Lately, I, myself am consumed up by LOVE. Not because it's the LOVE month or anything, but it's because, hey, I'm Abby.. And ask the people closest to me, they'll know that I AM ALWAYS CONSUMED BY LOVE. Anyway...

I try my best to not wallow in love all the time since there are other stuffs, as well. More important stuffs to spend my time on. I guess, people are just pressuring me with the whole boyfriend thing.
Although it is widely known, especially to my friends, that I can never actually survive without my constant crushes, it's important to remember that they are just that---crushes. I don't intend to go and commit further and deeper. I'm really still enjoying my life, as if it isn't hard enough without a boyfriend.

I don't know, call me a coward, i wouldn't care. Some might even say that I'm just trying to cover up the fact that nobody's really interested in me (haha, believe what you want..Ü). But I have my own personal reasons and i rather keep them to myself. I just don't mind being single. I guess, I'm still praying and waiting for that one guy.. I always refer to him as: "somebody i could be crazy with every single day (despite all the fights and what-not.)" Ü

I believe he'll come. i strongly believe that. Ü I guess I just don't want to spend and waste my time on going out with all those different guys and getting my heart broken, I mean, It's just pointless as it is. I love to love. I have lots of love to give and share. I'm just not up for the whole trial-and-error thing. I'm just not that good with heartbreaks, so i play safe. Yes, I do PLAY SAFE. and it's way better than always putting your heart on the line.

Although majority of the people tell me that to be in love with somebody is the most wonderful thing in the world, i still don't see myself in that scenario. NOT YET. Someday, when the right crazy/beautiful guy comes. But in the meantime, I'm just making the best out of everything that life throws at me, and one of those things is BEING SINGLE. Ü

BLAG!

It's been a long while since I last wrote in my blog.. haha.. so, here i am again, about to type away with my nonsensical ideas, as I always do.. DEAL WITH IT, people.. Ü

Well, a lot has been happening over the past few, what, months? Finals week na, so basically, I'm all heads up with my friggin' books.. another week of sleepless nights, and it's freaking me out.. hay, got to deal with it, unfortunately.. this comes with my course, so.. yeah.. i practically don't have the right to complain..

It amazes me how i manage to get my ass off to bed each and every morning just to get to school. I move slow then I curse the traffic when I'm late. haha, the irony of things. It's like I just do things out on a daily routine and I'm not exactly happy with it. Sure, new things do happen every day, small miracles are always there, but still.. i feel empty.. i still feel as if these daily miracles have become a routine, as well...

I'm not really complaining that much, i mean, i'm blessed. i truly am, and i've never been more thankful.. i just wouldn't mind doing something i want for a change.

Lately, I've been feeling locked up. I'm not exactly sure from what but i'm certainly not free. and it sucks, it sucks BIG time. I want to do things but I feel limited, something's holding me back. I want to say a lot of things, express a lot of emotions. But somehow, this strong, invisible force is keeping a steady hold of me. And the worse part of it is, I'm letting it control me. Is it fear? i'm not sure. Maybe. Is it love? Could be. God? I just don't have a clue. I'm just clueless, hopeless.. and it still sucks.
I have always pitied those people living their lives for somebody else. But lately, i feel as if i'm doing the exact same thing. HELP.