If I have one song... it'd be this..

TO BE WITH YOU-MR. BIG

Hold on, little girl
Show me what he's done to you
Stand up, little girl
A broken heart can't be that bad


**when it's through, it's through
fate will twist the both of you
so come on, baby, come on over
let me be the one to show you


***i'm the one who wants to be with you
deep inside i hope you feel it too
waited on a line of greens and blues,
just to be the next TO BE WITH YOU


build up your confidence,
so you can be on top for once
wake up, who cares about
little boys that talk too much


I've seen it all go down,
you're game of love was all rained out
so come on baby, come on over
let me be the one to hold you


repeat ***


++why be alone.
when we can be together, baby?
you could make my life worthwhile,
and i could make you start to smile...++


repeat **, ***

CIAO: what the word really means...

If there's one thing that i love about parties, it would be the photos taken during the event. hehe. well, of course the food could always be enjoyed but what remains after all are the photos. Just like this one. :)

Anyway, I don't really intend to write about parties... Yesterday, i was chatting (on YM) with my former classmate way back in highschool, Joe. I made him a testimonial days ago and as always, i signed off with "Ciao". So, yesterday, he asked me where i learned the word (Ciao). I've known years ago that "Ciao" is being used by Italians to greet each other or to bid farewell. So, i told him that. And he said that there's a deeper meaning to the word. Clueless, I asked him what the deeper meaning was. I didn't get the answer because i had to go and prepare for another friend's debut. I thought about it the whole night, what it could possibly mean, but of course, the real meaning never really dawned on me. Good thing when I signed in earlier today, Joe was online. So he finally got to tell me what CIAO really meant. Turns out it basically means: "I'm willing to die for you." How he knew it, kinda a long story. hehe.

If you would see, I'm using -Ciao- as my name. And it's not to serve as a greeting or whatever. I have learned to love CIAO for lotsa reasons.

FIRST: I have this unexplainable love for different languages. Ciao came from a foreign country, and I don't really remember when, where and how i learned to say it but i just know that I've been using it for a long time now.

SECOND: I used it as a codename lots of times. But for this particular guy only. His name kinda rhymes with it. so, everytime i want to say his name, i just say CIAO instead. hehe. Although, it's obvious as hell that the code's for him. haha.

THIRD: I just find it cute, how one uses it. "Ciao!" just imagine, with a matching cat-like smile, hehe.

When I found out what it really means, I found it amusing, really. I always use the word to friends, families and that guy. And it doesn't really change, the meaning is still applicable. Of course I'm willing to die for the people i love. hehe.

So anyway, i just thought it would be cool to share the knowledge i gained today from that very good friend of mine. hehe...

Godbless y'all and..

CIAO! :)

Amidst a Sea of Strangers

Many people have asked me already... What's with the "amidst a sea of strangers"? And they also wonder why i am so dramatic.. I just laugh it off, those questions.. But of course, i DO have my answers as to WHY.. well, here it goes...

Amidst a sea of STRANGERS.... mainly because we live in a vast world... not only that... we live in a world full of strangers.. Not even LITERAL strangers, also the figurative strangers... A man can know the entire human race, for all i care.. but strangers will always be strangers. Just think... among all of your "friends", how much of them do you REALLY know? I mean, yeah, you know their faces and their names... you might even know where they live and what they do... but beyond those basic information, how much do you really know about them? Do you know each of their likes and dislikes? Are you aware of the things that tick them off and make them smile? Sometimes, we tend to claim that we know the person. But in reality, do you REALLY? Strangers are strangers in the sense that we do not really exert effort to get to know them.. sometimes, we just don't care. We take for granted the existence of strangers. It's a shame that we do. But that's part of our nature... we prioritize things... yes, even the people that we want to know..amidst a sea of strangers... i'm caught in a world wherein there's just too many strangers... that sometimes, these strangers make it doubly hard for me to survive. I get lost in this sea too many times. I get eaten up by its waves, its waves being the different personalities each stranger possess.

Often times, i find myself part of this sea. I, myself, am a stranger to another. And though i try to NOT be a stranger, it's just inevitable. But on my own, I want to just ride the waves and enjoy the whole thing... It's just like surfing. I don't know alot about surfing but i do know two things: 1. The waves can get really nasty and 2.you just gotta try standing up again...

Amidst a sea of strangers, amidst a sea of nasty waves... i cannot possibly survive without the help from above, from around and from within... what dwells in those 3 places are the only things that keep me afloat. and with those things on my side, i know i'll never drown. :)

Now, as for the DRAMATIC PART.. i don't really have any explanation for that.. all i know is that I was born this way.. hehe.. and somehow, someday, i'd be able to use this *dramatic side* of me that eventually, would make a BIG AND GOOD difference. :)

Godbless you all and ciao! :)

drama-queen mode. dang.

I have always been regarded as the drama queen. Well, of course not by everybody, but by *people*. Hehe. No, seriously. There are times when I tend to just blab away. And get this, when I blab too much, I end up being melodramatic. Maybe a little too melodramatic.


Well, I don't really intendto be the way I am most of the time. It just comes out, y'know... hehe. I've been through quite a lot, I've put myself in different situations that you wouldn't imagine a girl my age to be in already. But the good part of it is that i end up knowing a little better than other girls my age. Hehe. Don't get me wrong, surely some people have gone through tougher times than I'll ever do. But I'm just saying... My experiences in life made me what I am today. I owe it all to those past experiences, no matter how good or bad they were...


I remember a friend of mine asking me, "does it pay to be *dramatic?*" I didn't really understood that question. It was his exact words, weird. Anyway, I just shrugged at that time, not really absorbing what he just asked. A few minutes later, he asked me the same question. I told him that I didn't really quite get what he meant and he just smiled (and tousled my hair in a very unfriendly manner! hehe..). I kept on bugging him 'bout what he meant but he just didn't want to explain anymore. Selfish person. hehe.

That night, i tried to decipher what he really meant, tried to shed some light on it. But i guess i failed. hehe. So, i just took it literally and tried to answer it for myself as best as i could. And i only came up with this: It pays to be dramatic when people learn something from your laments. Deep. hehe, well, not really. But that was as far as i know, that's when it pays from getting really, really mushy (and crappy!) hehe.

Sometimes, i wonder... why do people have this tendency to wallow in misery and bring the world down with them? I mean, hello, if you hate the world, then hate it. ALONE. The hell with others, the hell with the things that do not concern you and your grudge. But sometimes, one couldn't help but just let out all his anger for the world to see, and feel, as well. Damn. If you ask me, that's absurd. Whoever gave you the right to bring burden to other people, right? -sigh- here i go again, getting all carried away by the things that are just OUT THERE. I love people. I love dealing with people and the different personality each one possess. But sometimes, being too in love with the people can get really frustrating. Because whenever i look closely to a certain person, i get too attached and too affected, as well. Hehe ,damn I'm weird!

I'm just boring people with the things that I'm writing right now. hehe. perfect time to end this entry. hehe.

ciao.

When the past haunts the present...

If you'd look at the photo, you wouldn't see anything weird, right? (except for the fact that Jabi is actually doing a Mcdonald-pose on top of our heads. tsk, tsk. Bad, Jabi, bad...)

From left to right: Abby (that's me); G.J. (my ultimate gay bestfriend) and Josh (the PAST).

Ok. I'll tell you what's weird. Since Josh and i went on our separate ways, (that would be 1 year and 8 months. yup..) we never really had a CLOSURE or whatever. And to think that we had one of the *best* things ever. No kidding.

So, anyway, when this photo was taken, we still haven't said a word to each other. I dunno. I guess we just don't have anything good to say, or simply, we just don't want to talk to each other. Weird, right? If I say I'm not pissed off by our pointless set-up, i would be a hypocrite. Don't get me wrong, if i'm given the chance to be friends with this guy, i definitely would take it. I mean, we WERE pretty good friends back then. The best even. So i really don't get why we suddenly lost that *whatever*.

For the sake of our very adorable goddaughter Sophia Harmony, we try to be civilized human beings. But sometimes, though we try so damn hard, we always fail. Seriously, there's something wrong with us. It's just a different air whenever we're around each other. Kinda suffocating and thrilling at the same time. The feeling could be depicted as that when you ride the space shuttle @ E.K. You somehow feel as if there's no tomorrow, especially when you're up in the loops, and when you're being pulled upwards you begin to hold on to dear life...but when the ride comes to a stop, man... you just wish for another round. Being around Josh could be like that. I want the encounter to end as soon as possible, and when it does end, i wish there was another one. Weird, i tell you.

-sigh- sometimes, i feel that i just can't commit myself completely to another person because i'm still holding on to Josh. Somewhere deep inside me, i know i still can't let go. I've had other guys, oh yes. And they all seem to be better than him. But whenever i go to sleep at night, i realize that i don't want someone better. Josh is enough. More than enough. sure, he has his own flaws. I mean, who doesn't right? But that's what amazes me.. No matter how bad and stupid he might be at times, I still have all the patience in the world for him. And although it amazes me, it also annoys me. I can forgive him through whatever. He can easily get back in my life, just let him say the word. And he knows that. I guess that's why it will always be different for us.

A couple of months ago, i told myself and most of my friends that i've already let go of Josh and that never will i again be affected by his presence, not even by his existence. And so there i went, proclaiming and everything. And i thought i was alright. I really did. Until last Sunday. When i saw him again, and when i got to spend half of the day again with him, man... and the way he kept on babbling about his present girlfriend, it just kills...

See, it's weird when you hear your x talk about this new girl and practically shove it in your face that this new girl is ten times better than you.. heck, even more! I'm happy for him, i really am... But when it was my turn to talk about this certain guy, he just didn't want to hear it. Selfish.

Maybe this is why i can't move on completely. Something about him and our set-up right now makes me want to hold on and stay... maybe.. just maybe...

But everyday, the nore i live my life without him, the more i realize that maybe there's just nothing to hold on to anymore. A year ago all he left me was a thin rope, to keep ma hanging.. and as the days passed by that thin rope slowly but surely began to break... and now, all I'm holding on to is an inch of that rope. Give it maybe a couple of days or weeks, that rope will break. Unfortunately, nobody's there to break my ultimate fall. OUCH.

I guess I'll never learn. Or maybe i learned already, that's why i'm just not into committments anymore. But what the heck. I'm just guarding my heart. In God's time, surely the pain would disappear... just like the adrenaline rush when you ride a space shuttle... give it a few minutes, then it's all gone... i PRAY it's the same with love. The sleepless nights spent on crying can get really tiresome. One day, i need to rest. Someday.

CIAO!

*Tuesday Morning*

I love this pic. yup. i really do, man! taken by yours truly and edited by a really good friend of mine, whom will remain anonymous--for now. haha. Anyway... hey, this is actually my first blog here! I'm not really THAT excited since i have like, 3 blog accounts already that I'm so trying hard to maintain. Hehe, well. So far, so good. i guess i just really love to write/type away. My hands just won't stop, as if they have a mind of their own! creepy--idle hands (waaah, with Devon Sawa! hehehe.. adorable Devon..)

So, yup. This is my first blog and my mind's kinda empty pa for now. hehe. i'd have to get back later tonight, it's 10 in the morning and my mom is kinda angry na. hehe. she wants to watch a movie and she's gonna drag me with her. Dang. So early in the morning. Not really excited about it, though, since we're going with my lovable aunt, and oh.... knowing those 2... I'm sensing Till I Met You is just around the corner for me. Yup. Hey., don't get me wrong. I DO watch Filipino movies.. But not the really cheesy ones, y'know.. Oh, well. They're gonna treat me naman, so of course, i just couldn't say no. ahehehe..

Anyway, I'll end this entry for now but i really would go back later, definitely. Miss blogging away. hehe. Ciao!