recovered entry two

Just a few days ago, i made an entry about why i LOVE him like i do.. nobody saw it coming that a few days later, we'd be over... now, i'm making this entry about how i STILL love him...

The past few days had been hellish for me. I kept on crying or just staring into space. I was totally out of my element, and i hated every single moment of it. I hated the fact that we failed. That somehow, we gave up. WHY??? i'm so confused.. but at the same time, i felt relieved.. I am now free of the constant updates, the endless text messages and the never-ending sermons when i do something wrong..

oh, but how i miss him!!

Last night, he called me up.. told me how much he misses me, etc.. and before we hung-up, he told me that he and this new girl are "getting there"... wow.. did i miss something? i don't even care anymore..

I must be a crazy, crazy girl.. i was so blinded with the love that i felt for him that i refused to see the obvious. I wasn't the only girl who was keeping him occupied. While his heart was technically with me, it was essentially with somebody else. Talk about being fast-paced...

Now, why do i STILL love him? Actually, this part I don't really understand yet..

And it's killing me..

i miss him.. i see him almost everywhere.. i keep on hearing his voice... i know, i know.. this is definitely normal after an unexpected break-up.. but.. i just want to get it over with.. i don't want to wallow in my stupid and bitter misery when i know a few months from now i'd be looking back at today and realize how stupid i was..

argh...

i really, really miss him!!!

la na ko babykoy.. :(

i miss my koplogs..

call me selfish, but i don't want any other girl holding his hands, kissing him, making room in his heart.. :( i am selfish when it comes to oj.. i used to call him MINE. he used to call me HIS. and now, somebody's GETTING THERE.. to calling him "mine" for her own sake... am i ready for that? no, not yet.. soon, it'd be me loving and giving my heart to somebody else.. the worst part though, is that OJ wouldn't mind.. he will never go through the same hurtful phase that i'm going through right now..

i love him.. i love him JUST BECAUSE..

and i miss him..

but then again.. do i want him back? (just like what our good friend asked me earlier..) and God, i'm just not so sure anymore.. see, i'm really weirding myself and everybody else, for that matter..

-sigh-

i miss and love him..